Wandering Thoughts..

Sometimes  I ramble, Like a baby I babble. Sometimes I make sense, Sometimes everything is blurry, My emotions raging, in a hurry. Sometimes I just lie flat on my back,        Wondering what to wonder about..? Sometimes I ponder Over everything worth pondering on, For nights, leaving the switch on.. Sometimes I stay silent, For days and weeks to come. There are countless.emotions but not a single word escapes my mouth. Sometimes I'm.a bag full.of emotions, Sometimes just a few,may be one, Yet I say nothing, I like to be a wordless emotion.

A few days ago,I was talking to one of my friends, who was quite irritated.I asked him about the cause of his irritation and he said, that things with his wife were not going well. They were experiencing a sort of a communication break down, where the only things they were uttering to each other were-'kuch nahin' and 'chhodo'. He said that every time they would say something to each other, one of them would flare up and the conversation would go on a world tour! But isn't this normal? Happens with all of us at some point or the other. And it's not just with conversations,but emotions in general. We all have certain emotions that seek instinctual expression, at a given moment in time.And this is more so with emotions like anger,frustration,irritation etc.The power that these emotions have, is immense. There is an immediate relief when they are expressed as instinctively as they arise. But with that relief,there are certain consequences attached as we...

Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night..palpitating,sweating,wondering what just happened... She worries a lot about everything,gets stressed at the drop of a hat.People say she takes things too seriously and that she should learn to relax.She tries, but fails to understand, how this whole relaxation actually works. She feels she's about to  go mad..can this worrying ever stop? Their child has nightmares every night.He's scared to sleep alone.He's 14-not a child anymore.Yet,not big enough to understand what's happening.At school he finds himself getting into fights and arguments unintentionally.He feels lonely because he has no friends.He tries to tell his parents but they blame him.Is there actually something wrong with him?Is he a bad boy? She cries herself to sleep on most days.Sometimes she finds herself so overwhelmed with her thoughts and emotions ,that tears start flowing even during the day..she's lost and gloomy... Are ...

This world that I seek Is a candid reflection of who I am And who I want to be.. It becomes my sky when I want to fly high, It becomes my sea when I want to swim, Sometimes it fights with me when I am confused, It responds to my each fancy,my every whim. This world that I seek, Knows only chaos, And is a little absurd, And I keep looking for a little order In this world so absurd.. I know nothing about what I seek, Yet I know I am in a quest.. A quest to find my world, That speaks to me in my language, And dances to my songs, A world that embraces me, Just as I embrace it, A world that can walk hand in hand with me, Because it knows, I will not race it. Does a world so absurd Ever exist? Or is it my mere imagination? I don't know what kind of world it is That I seek so blindly, All I know is, That the world that I seek Is a candid reflection of who I am And who I want to be...

I have tried a lot to be like everyone else that I meet,that I know.Sometimes I used to dress like them.Sometimes I used to try and look like them. I would often criticize myself for being too much of something or too less. I'd say I was lost. But the good part about being lost is,that you can go anywhere you want,until you find your perfect stop. I am still lost.I still haven't found my perfect stop.But I have discovered myself in so many ways.. And all my discoveries made me realize how perfectly imperfect we all are.And we are all embroiled in this quest to hide those... To look our best,to behave in the most acceptable way possible,to do things that people would take notice of. And I realized that these imperfections actually make us so different and unique.  My imperfections make me so unique. I don't look like most other people I know..because I wasn't born that way!I look like myself and that's fine!I don't dress ...

I woke up feeling heavy, groggy and uneasy.And I knew,this meant, that it's time for me to write. I am not a writer per se, but I am in a way.I write only for myself. My mind races..races like a horse..like the thoughts are in a Derby race of their own and the one that wins,is the one that comes out on paper. Usually my thoughts are absurd,random,confusing, metaphorical... That's why they make sense.But it's a long process before the sense part actually comes in. A process that me and my partners in crime(pencil and paper), explore for hours and hours or sometimes days together. So just like my usual Derby days, I set out to let my winning thought take it's shape through words. Those words that I love to scribble onto my favorite diary with my favorite pencil. Every time  I sit down to write, I spend a few seconds feeling happy about my diary..the fragrance of paper,the smoothness of the sheets and the symmetrical lines...I love it! ...

How many times has it happened,that you do something and wait for someone to appreciate you? Wait for the little pat on the back or a "good job!"or "nice!"? Appreciation is a very powerful tool in the hands of people, for whom we are trying to do things. The kind of appreciation, the amount and the way it comes to us,serves as a very important benchmark that directs all our future efforts. Picture this-a child makes a birthday card for his parent and gives it to him/her,expecting words of love and appreciation like " thank you",'"this is so nice "," I'm so happy" and instead gets a reply like "it's nice but you should make it better next time". What happens to the poor child? His mind automatically thinks " Papa/Mummy didn't like it..It wasn't so nice.." And it demoralizes him/her. So the next time,the child may end up doing better and may also begin to hold this 'better...