Dear me,I appreciate you!

How many times has it happened,that you do something and wait for someone to appreciate you? Wait for the little pat on the back or a "good job!"or "nice!"?

Appreciation is a very powerful tool in the hands of people, for whom we are trying to do things.

The kind of appreciation, the amount and the way it comes to us,serves as a very important benchmark that directs all our future efforts.

Picture this-a child makes a birthday card for his parent and gives it to him/her,expecting words of love and appreciation like " thank you",'"this is so nice "," I'm so happy" and instead gets a reply like "it's nice but you should make it better next time".

What happens to the poor child? His mind automatically thinks " Papa/Mummy didn't like it..It wasn't so nice.." And it demoralizes him/her.

So the next time,the child may end up doing better and may also begin to hold this 'better' a bit too tightly or the child may stop trying to do 'better'.

But is there anything wrong in letting someone know that they can or need to improve?
There isn't. However, there is a way and time to convey such information.

May be next time,the parent can actually start by telling the child how much they appreciate the effort, how good their child has made them feel and then gently slide in any suggestion that they want to convey.

And not only with children,it happens with each one of us, at some point or the other where we feel,we are not being recognized for our work.

And appreciation for adults is a far more complex emotion that kids.

Yet,before we turn to others for appreciation and end ourselves up in this whirlpool of doing things and getting desperate for appreciation;we need to look inwards.

Are we actually giving ourselves the credit and the feedback that we should be?

When we ask someone for their opinion,we open ourselves to different perspectives.To be able to actually choose the one that resonates with our bent of mind,we need to know which side we are actually on!

I have been anti-cooking for as long as I can remember. My mother is an awesome cook and somehow,it's just an unsaid assumption that I will or should be as good as her.

Perhaps, due to this reason,I never liked entering the kitchen!I used to feel awkward when people asked me about my culinary skills.

But now,I realize that I used to feel awkward because I didn't really know if I liked cooking at all or not!how would I? I never tried!

And now that I have,I know what all I like to cook and how.My style is not like my mother's and it doesn't have to be!I learn from her and add my own twist to it!

As long as I keep trying to cook exactly like her,I will not be able to develop my own style.And same is the case with appreciation. 

If my mother is my bench mark,then obviously everyone will compare me to her!

That's why,I don't have a preset bench mark.I cook like how I want to which makes it easier for me to evaluate my own efforts and explain my goals to those around me.So the guidance and feedback that I receive, becomes much more acceptable.

The perennial mistake that we all make,is to do something and run for someone to tell us how it is.

Why not ask ourselves first?

How do we know what we receive is not fair if we are unable to decide for ourselves? And the minute we do,we also learn different ways of filtering unwanted information out.

To gain appreciation, we need to be appreciated by ourselves.Else, the world is nothing but a big ball of information hitting us all the time!

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